Dilapidation Paranoia

They're picking on me. All those marketeers of products for those whose bodies are falling into a state of rack and ruin. And I don't like it.

It started with Facebook. I noticed ads jumping out at me about tricks to get rid of Bauchfett. OK, while it's in the virtual world, you can pretend it's not real. Because it isn't, really.

But then on Saturday I was accosted by two very real young women from CaloryCoach outside my local supermarket. I'll be honest, I did take it personally. But I fended them off with what I hope was a humorous comment. I refrained from saying that they both looked rather more in need of CaloryCoach than I do - or maybe self-delusion is just another symptom of ageing.

Finally, I was attacked in my very own home by a suspiciously squashy direct mail piece. "Do you know the feeling too? In Summer we feel more active, less tied down, somehow more free...But many women feel limitations on their freedom. The reason is a weak bladder..."

And yes, a free sample of TENA Lady Ultra Mini was enclosed. It was suggested, should I have no use for it, to pass it onto a friend. Now, who's going to be the lucky recipient? Don't all shout at once! And, should I prefer, I could test the TENA Lady Mini Magic, the TENA Lady Ultra Mini, the TENA Lady Mini (sounds a bit dull, that one) or the TENA Lady Mini Plus (an oxymoron?).

I could go on and on about how their marketing could be improved on so many levels. But I won't. It will just make me sound like a grumpy old woman.