I’m leaving you, England. But we’ll stay friends, for old times’ sake.

 

There comes a point where you have to part company.

With a partner, an employer, a country, a way of life.

It’s finally come to that with me and England.

Is it Brexit? Is it AI? Is it me? Who knows?

I read this, the other day, in yet another excellent article by Ian Leslie:

We’re giving up our USP in order to meet the machines on their turf. Meanwhile we’re training humans to think and act algorithmically, following rules and checking boxes.

And that’s the issue. When I left the UK, in 1996, I was a human being. But now, the country’s systems are trying to mould me into a machine.

And I don’t fit.

My broadband and landline service in my UK home has changed to TalkTalk. Not my wish. I’m sent paper bills, for which I’m charged £33 a year, which I didn’t request. The problem is that TalkTalk don’t support or recognise any of my email addresses. 

The council has seen fit to impose a 100% premium on my Council Tax and given me precious little warning. Oh yes, easy to clear, pack up and sell a home that’s been in the family for 60 years. Especially from abroad. Only need a couple of months to do that, don’t you?

I liked the idea of monitoring my home from afar, to avoid any more frozen pipe disasters. So I had a Hive thermostat fitted. All fine and dandy, except I need a UK phone number to receive all the authentification messages. 

Undeterred, I set off to Vodafone to get a basic Nokia that’ll do the job. All well and good, yes, I do have a UK bank account, marvellous ...until ...

That account needs to be registered at a UK address. So end up having to get a pay-as-you-go phone where the number runs out if you don’t use the phone in the UK within 3 months. 

Tiresome doesn’t begin to cover all this. It’s the same frustration you feel filling in a form and you’re given a set list of options, none of which apply. And no open-ended questions.

It’s left me feeling like this:

I’m trying to live with tech in peace, honestly, I am. And I know I have agency, it’s not personal and all that.

But it’s grinding me down, and it shouldn’t.

So it’s going to be toodle-pip.

I miss my freedom to be a European, with my two passports and two homes.

The time has come to lean into my humanity and lean away from England.